accepting the positive

Please note the following post is reflection, resolve and acceptance. Sometimes I just need to write.

Life in my world is changing. Change is hard and I have been fighting it. Kicking and screaming, fighting it. Honey Buns is giving up the team. Brings tears to my eyes. Because I love the team. I am a great coach's wife. In a way, I was born for this life. I understand it and I enjoy it.

He says he is done. It is not public knowledge yet...but he will resign from coaching at the end of the season. (keep the secret!)

In a twist of fate, the athletic trainer quit in September, and Honey Buns took over the job in the meantime. He has decided to do this full time. Still in athletics, but without the travel, without the recruiting, without the drama and without the stress. He will continue to do both jobs next semester (trainer and coach) but in August...just athletic trainer.

He has been tossing the idea around to get his doctorate for about 3 years. He is applying for admission in January to start school in July. He is jazzed about it. I am happy for him. So happy that the spark is back about something. So, So happy about the spark. It has been gone from him for far too long.

So that means that in the fall, one will start Kindergarten (gasp!) and one will start doctorate program (yikes!) And I had thought that we might start saving for a big trip with no more daycare bill...silly me!

I am having to be supportive again. The role I have not really excelled at in the past. It is going to be a hard couple of years of keeping things going. The program is 2 years with 1 month on campus in July and rest of the program can be done online. (a total of two July's on campus) July is Sweet Pea's birthday, July is our anniversary, July is special...Why July?

I know, I can do this. Those July's will go fast. I can travel, I can visit friends, I will be busy. I will see Honey Buns more, he will be home, he will be able to spend more time with Sweet Pea. Athletic training will work better with the family life I want. I have the perfect job for this. Very flexible, very understanding. But I am bored in my job. I need new goals, I need some vision, I need a spark. I need to figure out a direction to go with my job. It is a very open-ended position and I need a new 5 year plan!

I know this is positive change for my husband and my family...but the team, I will miss.